Codependency is a challenging condition that can have a significant impact on an individual's well-being. According to the American Psychological Association, it is a behavioral pattern of mutual reliance, that often emerges in relationships where two individuals are emotionally dependent on one another. This can lead to a wide range of negative consequences. Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that views the mind as a system of multiple parts. IFS helps people heal by accessing and healing their protective and wounded inner parts and working towards a greater sense of inner coherence and harmony.
In the context of codependency, IFS identifies two categories of parts: the caretaker part and the needy part. The caretaker part is responsible for meeting the needs of others, often at the expense of their own needs, while the needy part excessively relies on others for validation and support. In this blog post, we will explore codependency from the lens of IFS, including its causes, effects, and how IFS can be used to treat codependency.
Codependency can be caused by a variety of factors, including childhood trauma, low self-esteem, enmeshment, and addiction.
Children who grow up in homes where they have to take on a caregiving role for their parents or siblings may develop a pattern of codependency. In these situations, children learn to suppress their own needs and desires in order to take care of others. As they grow older, they may continue to prioritize the needs of others over their own, leading to codependent behavior.
One of the foremost experts in PTSD research, and author of The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel van der Kolk, explores Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) in his research about The Neurobiology of childhood trauma and abuse.
In trauma, children lose the ability to self-regulate which can have lasting effects on their brains as they continue to develop into adults. - Bessel van der Kolk
Enmeshment occurs when family members lack healthy boundaries and become overly involved in each other's lives. In enmeshed families, children may grow up feeling responsible for the emotional well-being of their parents or siblings. They may continue to prioritize the needs of others over their own as adults, leading to codependent behavior.
Addiction can create a codependent relationship where one person takes on the role of the caretaker and the other the needy person. The caretaker may feel responsible for the well-being of the addicted person, leading them to neglect their own needs and desires. The needy person may rely excessively on the caretaker for emotional support and validation, leading to codependent behavior.
Codependency can have a range of negative effects on both the codependent person and the person they are in a relationship with, including:
Codependent people often struggle with making decisions or taking action without the approval or guidance of others. They may feel as though they cannot function independently, leading to feelings of helplessness and dependence.